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Attackmodestace

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[Aug0809]
god life hurts so bad, i cant do this anymore, pills are looking rather attractive, somone save me, i have no life, no reason for living, anything sharp or pill like its looking so awesome right now, i have a mountain of scars from cutting but i like then cause every scar tells a story and i like that, but i feel so down and suicidal right now that i dont know what to do, i have no one to speak to and im drowning my sorrows in a cheap bottle of whisky and im so depressed its not fair, i just wanna be happy, please some one came take me away far far far away from this hell, i dont even mind planet crypton. Please someone save me, i live in swansea and i hate it, nobody likes me there, everyone has fucked me over or i have fucked them over, i have honestly fucked many people over and i cant even begin to say how sorry i am but ive told then all how sorry i am and that just isnt enough, I want to die right now, right now im in cardiff and i just wanna get knocked down by a big heavy truck, i want it to crush all my bones and i want my heart to stop beating...beep.....flat line.


but life isnt that fair or simple.

God i wanna die so much.
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Oh misery... [Aug0809]
[ mood | confused ]

So, i don't think that im in a very good place right now, its quite sad because i have everything i have ever wanted and it's still not enough, i dont know what i want to do with my life, im so confused, im confused about every little miniscule thing. I need a job, ive sent like a billion CV's out and ive heard nothing..it gets very disheartning when your applying for all these jobs and they just turn you down. Im convinced that to get the simplest job these days you have to have like loads of qualification, and its bloody not fair.



Point me in the right direction




I just need some very good advice, i no longer have someone to confide in, Anne has gone, we had our last session months ago, it was really upsetting, ive known Anne for about 4 years, she was not only my councellor but she became my best friend, i could tell her everything and anything and she wouldn't judge me. It was nice to speak to someone who didnt judge you on what your doing with your life. Im so sad, i cant be with anyone right now cause i am not in the right frame of mind, and i have tryed to tell him that but he just isnt getting it.



I am such a big meanie
x
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Your words are deadly weapons [Jul0708]
I feel like shit.
You know when you think that your doing really well ?
But your not.
I definatly feel like that.

My happy pills aren't working anymore, it's a shame really, i was getting used to feeling 'normal'.
Sonny, Martyn and the cure are the only things that bring a genuine simle to my face these days.

I just watched Lost Boys, i must have seen that film like a gazillion times by now. Still, it never gets boring. I'm painting tomorrow, i'm quite excited about it.

No, really i am.

It's one of those things where you don't think about it, you just do it. I like things like that, but most of the things i am asked to do require some sort of thinking, this is not good.

Happy
adj
Definition: in high spirits; satisfied.

I get to see Craig tomorrow, that's a good thing. Craig is rather excellent at playing the drums. We always play U2's 'with or without you'. I think he's obsessed w/ that song. See the thing about craig is, he's a nice guy. You don't come across people like that these days, except Martyn :].
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I miss you [Jul0708]
[ mood | blank ]

Martyn stayed over last night, i was so happy to see him :]. I don't know what's wrong w/ me, everytime i think about him i want to smile.
I hate the fact that he makes me feel like that.

My parents went out and i was kind of stuck home alone so i went out w/ them, shocking i know !.
I had fun, people were quite suprised to see me, or maybe that's because no one ever sees me any more seeing as i don't leave my room ?

Hmm...

I drank coke all night, i'm so boring now that i don't drink lol. I wanted to see Marty then so i gave him a quick txt and ask him if he wanted to come over and obv he said yes. He wanted to walk right, Bahahahahahahaha, he was like 0496419613861 miles away from my house, no way would i let him walk, so being a nice person as i am i payed for him to get a taxi :].

I'm sweet i know o.O

When he got to my house, we went straight out down to see my parents, i didn't want to take him inside incase my 'extended family' attacked him.
But Martyn is what we call a 'Bastard', he didn't stay outside like i told him to.
Grrrr i still hate you for that mind !
We went in and as i predicted, my family bombarded him with so many questions.
My dad nearly raped him, my auntie told him not to get me pregnant and i think my mam fancy's him.

Weird right ? You haven't heard the half of it.

But overall, i can't remember the last time i'd had so much fun :]:]
So thankyou marty,
love you boy.

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Body language [Jul0708]
So a funny thing happened today, i went into music and that was all good, then terry told me about his 'Special Talent'. He can read people's body language...



He told me he's been watching the way i act and move around craig, that should creep me out yet it really doesn't lol. I'm starting to think that terry is definatly taking something :]


I have the peice of music im s'pose to lean for the gig in August today, it's all Elvis cause the gig we're doing is in this place and i'm pretty sure old people go there cause not many kids listen to Elvis ?


It's a peice of piss but i don't think i'll do it, i might have a few prac sessions w/ them but i doubt it if i'll end up doing it.


I spoke w/ Martyn earlier and he's all better now, i'm quite glad cause the last time i seen him he was all ill :[
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